I'll let you in...

THE DARKEST DAY..

The day i found out my parents were separating would be the darkest day of my life... it was wierd cos apart from the things i couldn't comprehend , the hurt and fear.. there was embarrassment... embarrassment cos in school ... most of my peers probably were not going through what i was going through... so i had no one i could really talk to or share my dilemma with... i doubt they would have understood... and the teachers weren't the most inviting people to talk to at that time... and so i kept it inside cos at that age you never wanted to be different... being different meant that you had to put up with countless stares by prejudice eyes and whispering behind your back...and at that age... everyone was fucking straight forward... it was more of an ego thing... and the fear of rejection made it even worst... its not like now where i can go fuck it and just ignore those narrrow minded idiots... it was really a hard time for me... but each day somehow made me stronger... but all this emotions never showed in my everyday life... i simply just kept it all bottled inside...

THE BROKEN HOME...

As time passed... i somewhat gave up hope...hope that one day Mum and Dad would put they're differences behind them and try to rekindle the love they once had... but there's was still a part of me that wishes that they would get back together... and we could be a family again... picking up the pieces wasn't easy... the whole family fell apart... i would see Dad once in a while and it was just really hard...Kim and I were staying with my mum and michelle was at my granny's...it was more or less once or twice a week that the three of us were together at the same place.... The three of us and Dad moved in to the apartment in Tampines... You would think that time apart would bring us closer... but hell no... I'm not saying that things were horrible... but lets just say that the word " COMPROMISE" wasn't in our vocabulary... so there was alot of tension and alot of sibling rivalry and living conditions in the Tampines apartment was terrible... it was a big house but the floors were all dirty... the was hardly anything to eat... i remember once opening the fridge to see only bottles of water... thank god for instant noodles... Dad stayed over sometimes but spent most of the nights at his girlfriend's place...and pick us up in the morning and send us to school but Dad did his best to provide... it was then when i became more independent... we would see Mum occasionally ... I got posted to a secondary school near my Mum's place ... not long after that i moved in with Mum... By then the divorce didn't seem much of an issue anymore... everyone was carrying on with their lives... Staying with Mum was nice... Sometimes i think Mum has an obsession with marketing... She overbuys sometimes...but i'm not complaining... the downside of it all is that Mum and her boyfriend quarrelled alot...So there was a couple of sleepless nights with plenty of screaming... Michelle moved back to my Gran's to concentrate on her studies... Kim eventually came to stay with Mum and I ... And that's when all hell broke loose... It was utter violence almost everyday... I was the authority-seeking elder brother and she was the irritating lil' sister... Lost count on how many remote controls we broke fighting over the tv... We seriously fought alot... we had our diffences but never thought of compromising...i don't know why..stubborn assholes..


THE REASON WHY...

It was never till later in my mid teens when i realise the reason for the divorce , the seperation... the whole damn thing... When Mum and I stayed together... some nights she would come back very pist... i'm not sure whether it's cos of the alcohol or what but i could tell that Mum was one really stressed out lady... i knew that Mum was really stressed out with work but it was the grudge that she held against me Dad that was really obvious when she flared up... Apparently , my Dad wasn't the most responsible father or husband... He had affairs and he got himself heavily in debt in credit card bills... Mum paid for everything... even when we were born... she paid for the hospital bill... And at one point in time Dad changed cars really often...and my Mum had to help him with the down payments everytime he switches his ride...according to her ... she's like supporting 4 children... My dad , like me , is a really outgoing person... I guess fun got in the way of being a good husband ... Dad was a good father...and he still is... he spent alot of time with us when we were little ... Mum did the disciplinary part...that's why it always seemed that we enjoyed Dad's company more than Mum's ... But it has always been Mum who was funding for most of the expenditures... She has always been the one who has been working so hard just to give the three of us a good life...She did all this almost single-handedly and she did all this with little or no appreciation... And Mum gave most of her life up to work... just for us...the "kiddoes" ... When people say, " I have the greatest mum in the world!!"... they're lying... Cos that's my line...


Then...NOW...

Michelle recently finished her studies... Kim is still finding the meaning in life..and I'm finishing my time in the army and my tattooing thingy is working out pretty well... Mum got a 50% share in the pub and we got a new addition to the family... MILK...our puppy... i guess everything turned out for the better...Mum seems happier... MILK plays the biggest part in that... sometimes i think she loves the dog more than us... hahaha ...just kidding-Ian Francis Low